For five years no one touched me. No One. Not one person. Not My wife. Not my child. Not my friends. No one touched me. They saw me. They spoke to me. I sensed love in their voices. I saw concern in their eyes. But I didn't feel their touch. There was no touch. Not once. No one touched me.
What is common to you, I coveted. Handshakes. Warm embraces. A tap on the shoulder to get my attention. A kiss to steal a heart. Such moments were taken from my world. No one touched me. No one bumped into me. What I would have given to be bumped into, to be caught in a crowd, for my shoulder to brush against anthers. But for five years it has not happened. How could it? I was not allowed on the streets. Even the rabbis kept their distance from me. I was not permitted in my synagogue. Not even welcome in my own house.
I was untouchable. I was a leper. And no one touched me.
The social consequences were as severe as the physical. Considered contagious, the leper was quarantined, banished to a leper colony.
In Scripture the leper is symbolic of the ultimate outcast; infected by a condition he did not seek, rejected by those he knew, avoided by people he did not know, condemned to a future he could not bear. And in memory of each outcast must have been the day he was forced to face the truth: Life would never be the same…….
One year during harvest my grip on the scythe
seemed weak. The tips of my fingers numbed. First one finger then another.
Within a short time I could grip the tool but scarcely feel it. By the
end of the season, I felt nothing at all. The hand grasping the handle
might as well have belonged to someone else - the feeling was gone. I said
nothing to my wife, but I know she suspected something. How could she not?
I carried my hand against my body like a wounded bird.
I said nothing to my wife, but I
know she suspected something. How could she not?
I carried my hand against my body like a wounded bird.
One afternoon I plunged my hands into a basin of water intending to wash my face. The water reddened. My finger was bleeding, bleeding freely. I didn't even know I was wounded. How did I cut myself? On a knife? Did my hand slide across the sharp edge of metal? It must have, but I didn't feel anything.
" It's own your clothes, too" my wife said softly. She was behind me. Before looking at her, I looked down at the crimson spots on my robe. For the longest time I stood over the basin, staring at my hand. Somehow I knew my life was being forever altered.
"Shall I go with you to tell the
priest?" she asked.
"No," I sighed, "I'll go alone."
I turned and looked into her moist eyes. Standing next to her was our three-year-old daughter. Squatting, I gazed into her face and stroked her cheek, saying nothing. What could I say? I stood and looked again at my wife. She touched my shoulder, and with my good hand, I touched hers. It would be our final touch.
Five years have passed, and no one has touched me since, until today. The priest didn't touch me. he looked at my hand, now wrapped in a rag. he looked at my face, now shadowed in sorrow. I've never faulted him for what he said. He was only doing as he was instructed. He covered his mouth and extended his hand, palm forward. " You are unclean," he told me. With one pronouncement I lost my family, my farm, my future, my friends.
My wife met me at the city gates
with a sack of clothing, bread and some coins. She didn't speak. By now
friends had gathered. What I saw in their eyes was a precursor to what
I've seen in every eye since : fearful pity.
As I stepped out, they stepped back. their horror of my disease was greater than their concern for my heart - so they, and everyone else I have seen since, stepped back.
The rags on my body couldn't hide my sores. Nor could the wrap on my face hide the rage in my eyes. I didn't even try to hide it. How many nights did i shake my crippled fist at the silent sky? " What did I do to deserve this?" But never a reply.
Some think I sinned. Some think my parents sinned. I don't know. All I know is that I grew so tired of it all: sleeping in the colony, smelling the stench. I grew so tired of the damnable bell I was required to wear around my neck to warn people of my presence. As if I needed it. One glance and the announcements began, " Unclean! Unclean! Unclean!"
Several weeks ago I dared walk the road to my village. I had no intent of enetering. heavens knows i only wanted to look again upon my fields. Gaze again upon my home. And see, perchance, the face of my wife. I did not see her. But I saw some children playing in a pasture. I hid behind a tree and watched them scamper and run. Their faces were so joyful and their laughter so contagious that for a moment, for just a moment, i was no longer a leper. I was a farmer. I was a father. I was a man.
Infused with their happiness, I stepped out from behind the tree, straightened my back, breathed deepely...and the saw me. Before I could retreat, they saw me. And they screamed. And they scattered. One lingered, though, behind the others. One paused and looked in my direction. I don't know, and I can't say for sure, but I think, I really think, she was my daughter. And I don't know. I really can't say for sure. But I think she was looking for her father.
That look is what made me take the step I took today. Of course it was reckless. Of course it was risky. But what did I have to loose? He calls himself the God's Son. Either he will hear my complaint and kill me or accept my demands and heal me. Those were my thoughts. I came to him as a defiant man. Moved not by faith but by a desperate anger. God had wrought this calamity on my body, and he would either fix it or end it.
But then I saw him, and when I saw him, I was changed. You must remember, I'm a farmer, not a poet, so I cannot find the words to describe what I saw. All I can say is that the Judean mornings are sometimes so fresh and the sunrises so glorious that to look at them is to forget the heat of the day before and the hurts of times past. When I looked at his face, I saw a Judean morning.
Before he spoke, I knew he cared. Somehow I knew he hated this disease as much as, no-more- than I hate it. My rage became trust, and my anger became hope.
From behind a rock, I watched him descend a hill. Throngs of people followed him. I waited until he was only paces from me, then i stepped out.
He stopped and looked in my direction as did dozens of others. A flood of fear swept across the crowd. Arms flew in front of faces. Children ducked behind parents. " Unclean!" someone shouted. Again, I don't blame them. I was huddled mass of death. But I scarcely heard them. I scarcely saw them. their panic I'd seen a thousand times. His compassion, however, I'd never beheld. Everyone stepped back except him. he steeped towards me. Toward me.
Five years ago my wife had stepped toward me. She was the last to do so. Now he did. i did not move. i just spoke. " Lord, you can heal me if you will." Had he healed me with a word, i would have been thrilled. Had he cured me with a prayer, I would have rejoiced. But he wasn't satisfied with speaking to me. he drew near me. he touched me. Five years ago my wife had touched me. No one had touched me since. until today.
" I will." His words were as tender as his touch. "Be
Energy flooded my body like water through a furrowed field. In an instant, in a moment, I felt warmth where there had been numbness. I felt strength where there had been atrophy. My back straightened, and my head lifted. Where I had been eye level with his belt, i now stood eye level with his face. His smiling face.
He cupped his hands on my cheeks and drew me so near I could feel the warmth of his breath and see the wetness in his eyes. " Don't tell anyone about this. But go and show yourself to the priest and offer the gift Moses commanded for peel who are made well. this will show the people what I have done."
And so that is where I am going. I will show myself to
my priest and embrace him. I will show myself to my wife, and I will embrace
her. I will pick up my daughter, and I will embrace her. And I will never
forget the one who dared to touch me. He could have healed me with a word.
but he wanted to do more than heal me. he wanted to honor me, to validate
me, to christen me. Imagine that........unworthy of the touch of man, yet
worthy of the touch of God.
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