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Knocking on Heaven's Door

Summary

A successful churchman discovers that the qualifications for entry to Heaven are not quite what he had expected.

Characters

Angel
Man

Script

(Scene: An office, furnished very simply - just a small desk and chair. Seated at the chair is an angel, writing in a book. Enter a male, middle to late middle aged.)

MAN: Ah, here I am at last. Knew I'd have no trouble.

ANGEL: You're where, sir?

MAN: Where? Heaven, of course.

ANGEL: Aah!

MAN: What do you mean, aah?

ANGEL: You're not actually in heaven, merely at a staging post along the way.

MAN: Not there yet! But I'm dead, aren't I? As dead as I'll ever be!.

ANGEL: Dying doesn't automatically get you into heaven, you know. There's a little bit of paper work to clear up first. Even heaven has its little bit of bureaucracy, I'm afraid.

MAN: Let's get on with it, then. I don't want to hang round here all day, not when the prize is so close.

ANGEL: Tell me about yourself.

MAN: Well, I'm a Christian. (confidentially) A charismatic one, too. I went forward at a Billy Graham crusade, got baptised in the sea, came up speaking in tongues, that sort of thing.

ANGEL: Yes!?

MAN: People tell me I have ... had? ... a good voice, so I sang for the Lord in services and at evangelistic outreaches. Quite in demand, though I say it myself.

ANGEL: And?

MAN: Later, I was made an elder, and as I was also good with figures, I was church treasurer for the last ten years.

ANGEL: And!?

MAN: (Slightly exasperated) And what? What else is there?

ANGEL: Visited any prisoners!?

MAN: (Puzzled) No.

ANGEL: Took good news to the poor!?

MAN: The poor? There weren't any poor people in our church. We stood on the Lord's promises and claimed his blessings. I continually proved him with my giving, and saw it return a hundred-fold.

ANGEL: Released any captives!?

MAN: No!

ANGEL: Recovery of sight for the blind?

MAN: What?

Angel: Performed any miracles?

MAN: Miracles?

ANGEL: No miracles.

MAN: Look, what sort of questions are these? I thought you'd want to know all about what I believe....

ANGEL: No.

MAN: ....or what I did for the sick.

ANGEL: Oh!?

MAN: Ah, I thought that would interest you. We had a weekly prayer meeting about the sick in our town which I always attended. I even gave a prophecy once about their healing. I'm sure it must have helped them.

ANGEL: Thank you.

MAN: Any more questions?

ANGEL: No. Just the one.

MAN: Just the one?

ANGEL: (Closes book.)

MAN: (Triumphant) That's it, then! When do I enter?

ANGEL: (Rises) Don't call us, we'll call you.

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