A successful churchman discovers that the qualifications for entry to Heaven are not quite what he had expected.
(Scene: An office, furnished very simply - just a small desk and chair. Seated at the chair is an angel, writing in a book. Enter a male, middle to late middle aged.)
MAN: Ah, here I am at last. Knew I'd have no trouble.
ANGEL: You're where, sir?
MAN: Where? Heaven, of course.
MAN: What do you mean, aah?
ANGEL: You're not actually in heaven, merely at a staging post along the way.
MAN: Not there yet! But I'm dead, aren't I? As dead as I'll ever be!.
ANGEL: Dying doesn't automatically get you into heaven, you know. There's a little bit of paper work to clear up first. Even heaven has its little bit of bureaucracy, I'm afraid.
MAN: Let's get on with it, then. I don't want to hang round here all day, not when the prize is so close.
ANGEL: Tell me about yourself.
MAN: Well, I'm a Christian. (confidentially) A charismatic one, too. I went forward at a Billy Graham crusade, got baptised in the sea, came up speaking in tongues, that sort of thing.
MAN: People tell me I have ... had? ... a good voice, so I sang for the Lord in services and at evangelistic outreaches. Quite in demand, though I say it myself.
MAN: Later, I was made an elder, and as I was also good with figures, I was church treasurer for the last ten years.
MAN: (Slightly exasperated) And what? What else is there?
ANGEL: Visited any prisoners!?
MAN: (Puzzled) No.
ANGEL: Took good news to the poor!?
MAN: The poor? There weren't any poor people in our church. We stood on the Lord's promises and claimed his blessings. I continually proved him with my giving, and saw it return a hundred-fold.
ANGEL: Released any captives!?
ANGEL: Recovery of sight for the blind?
Angel: Performed any miracles?
ANGEL: No miracles.
MAN: Look, what sort of questions are these? I thought you'd want to know all about what I believe....
MAN: ....or what I did for the sick.
MAN: Ah, I thought that would interest you. We had a weekly prayer meeting about the sick in our town which I always attended. I even gave a prophecy once about their healing. I'm sure it must have helped them.
ANGEL: Thank you.
MAN: Any more questions?
ANGEL: No. Just the one.
MAN: Just the one?
ANGEL: (Closes book.)
MAN: (Triumphant) That's it, then! When do I enter?
ANGEL: (Rises) Don't call us, we'll call you.
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